The Topic Is: Other Blogs

Dear Amanda,
Congratulations on discovering the wonder of blognigger. I take from this that you have been interested in mine own interests, and took mental notes on the stuff that I mentioned reading on teh interwebs. I hope that you enjoyed Blogniggerf. I haven't read his stuff for quite some time, but where I left off a few months ago (around the time I met you) it was still quite good even though he underwent a personal blogger crisis. Within the immediate internet family of blognigger lie three other blogs that may or may not be of interest to you. I hope they are, cuz I'm gonna tell you about them

First and formost comes the patriarch of this string of internet entertainment; it's the blog of the ubiquitous tastemaking magaazine "Vice". Vice, as well as the corresponding blog has always been a source for relevant sociological information pertaining to: partying, foreign dictatorships, hidden subcultures, the grotesque and hideous, art, weirdos, fashion, etc. It's mothership blog can be found here: http://vice.typepad.com/vice_magazine/ . If you should happen to scroll to the bottom of the page anjd run out of stuff to read, you'll have to scroll back nto the top again and click on the month of the archives you wish to read. They date back toi 2005 or so.

Stemming from vice, one of thier founders split off and formed his own blog. It's a bit less clever and profound anbd more fashion-y but it has its moments. Its called streetboners and it can be found here: http://streetbonersandtvcarnage.com/category/blog/ .

If you're in the mood for something as brilliant as it is hateful, offensive and politically incorrect, then Jim Goad is the man to turn to. He first gained notoriety and fame through a zine in the 90's called "Answer Me!". The zine's outlandish and provocative views on race, sex, etc. made him the target of liberals nationwide who could not help but be simultaniously appalled and enthralled by it's brutal honesty. Goad's blog can be found here: http://www.jimgoad.net/ .

Well, these outta keep you busy for the next two or three years. Waidduminute, you don't have a computer! This will take you at least five years to sift through in that case. Please be sure to write me back in five or so years when you have sorted through and had time to digest all this stuff.

Rootie Tootie

Letter From a Special Guest

MAAA Blog readers will be delighted to know that this in weeks column I will be responding to a letter written by a special guest to our blog, all the way from Nashville, TN. I guess this blog is really getting famous as people are finding out about it from far and wide. So anyway, without further adue, here is this weeks special mystery guest's question:

"Dear Blogger,I have been spending time with a wonderful fellow, and would like to keep him around indefinitely. What can I do to ensure that I get what I want?Your Faithful Reader,Amanda"


Dear Amanda,
Thanks so much for writing and for checking out this blog. Although a long time coming, and a seemingly potentially compicated question, my answer for you is of the utmost simplicity: be yourself and keep doin what you're doin. Yes, that's right. If this fellow has been spending time with you then that mens that he obviously likes you. He most likely liked you when he made time with you at first and he will most certainly continue to do so for the same reasons. Also, don't be afraid to throw a few mind games in the mix to fuck him all up. Just kidding, don't do that.

Sean

Reader Amanda from Nashville, Tennesse writes in:

"Dear Blogger,A few of my friends on Myspace often post surveys about themselves as bulletins. I genuinely enjoy these people in actual life, but find their internet conduct to be annoying and presumptuous. How can I get them to stop without being a dick?"

My Dearest Amanda,

This topic of annoying and childish Myspace behavior is one that I'm sure hits close to home for a lot of the readers out there and that's why I chose to answer this particular email over the countless others that were sent to me from across the globe. This topis is also of special significance to me because I have personally dealt with this sort of Myspace misconduct several times within my internet career but for me, it is no longer a problem anyway. It is one that I have solved in my personal life and I would like nothing more than to help you solve it too!

Let me start by admitting that your case is a bit more tricky than mine for one particular reason: Age. You being significantly younger than me greatly increases your chance of having younger friends. (* see fig. a.) It is statistically proven that the amount of stupid bulletins and surveys that nobody reads posted on myspace is directly related to the age of the myspacer (*see fig. b) Also, when reviewing your myspace page for the purpose of this pose (actually, i did it out of general snoopery and curiosity) I noticed in one of your comments that you might have taken a hiatus from myspace and that you have recently rejoined. I'm not sure exactly how that is relevant. Is that relevant?

Well, the obvious solution to the annoying bulletin dilemma is to simply delete people. I've done it a lot in the past because I have very little patience for my clogged bulletin realm. I enjoy checking the bulletins that people post to see about shows, goings on, funny videos etc. and it can be very annoying to have to sift through page after page of nonsense. Myspace is getting pretty dumb anyways and I don't really use it that much anymore. I've deleted several people from my account just for posting thier personal-nonsense bulletins. One of them, even asked me several months later why I deleted him and I told him about the annoying bulletin thing. That's not true, I actually probably was nice about it nd said it was an accident. I can be such a wimp sometimes. You know what? I'm gonna take a break from writing this for a few while I try and come up with a better answer. I guess deleting someone or telling them that no one cares about thier bulletins is kind of rude. I'm gonna take a break, and eat some food while I try and come up with a good answer.

Ok, I'm now resuming several hours (and two full meals) after I left off. Ok, now that I'm thinking about it, what types of people are these annoying bulletin leavers? Are they close friends? Just aquaintances? Are they sad people with sad lives that you're afraid if you delete them it'll bum them out bigtime? And they'll resort to heavy eating/drinking and or death?

Anyway, this is a complicated question and it really depends on who it is sending the bulletins, therefore I'm gonna change the subject completely and focus on your first day of dogwashing and your insomnia. Here goes: I hope that you have a wonderful first day of dog washing. I hope that when you touch the dogs to wash them that it makes them feel as good as I feel when you touch me. I meant that last sentence to be sweet rather than weird. I also hope that you managed to sleep and not worry about stuff. It seems to me that things are looking up for you and that makes me happy because I think that you are a really sweet girl and that it's about time that things went your way. So, good morning to you. I really can't wait to talk to ya and see ya soon and see how your day went. Oh, and I also can't wait to give you kisses.

Sean

When All Else Fails, Wear a HAT!!!

Astute reader Amanda writes:

"Dear Blogger,I've decided that my brain could use an extra boost of thinking power, but have no interest in altering my diet, exercising more, getting more sleep, or taking supplements. What can I do?"

Dear Amanda,

The question that you pose is a tricky one indeed. We would all like to become smarter but how can we do so without hurting ourselves or others? Well, there are a few answers to this question.

1: Drugs - Taking psychoactive vitamin powders such as adderal and cocaine significantly boost the activity in the prefrontal cortex of the brain, researchers at Johns Hopkins discovered. When applied topically, these medicinal powders can increase one's knowledge significantly on the meaning of life and the true intentions of world governments. According to one study, subjects who used these powders instantly became privy to classified information regarding national security and international arms trading.

2: A Hat - The use of "Thinking Caps" to hone the brains cognitive functions is a practice that dates back to the ancient visigoths and it is still in practice today!!! It was found that lab rats wearing specially designed thinking caps found thier way through mazes at a rate of five times as much as thier bareheaded counterparts. Thinking caps are a very cost effective solution and they are readily available to the public at pharmacies such as Walgreens for less than $30!!!

3: Puzzles and stuff - They're kinda fun

4: You're already pretty durn smart if ya ask me

Advice Question #1

Astute reader Amanda writes:

"Dear Blogger,
I have an interview tomorrow at a dog washing place. I think that I would be great for the job, and boy howdy, I could really use the money too. I've been preparing for my interview this evening and I was wondering, should I pretend to know more about dogs than I really do?

Amanda"

Dear Amanda,
YES!!! Ya see, in todays competitive job market, bullshitting is of the utmost importance. This is something I learned job hunting in New York, and it is also how I aquired my present job. "Fake It Til You Make It" may sound cliche but it's very important. It's not like they're gonna give you a dog quiz. Just pretend that you've had more pet dogs than you really have or that maybe you worked at a pet store in High School. While it is true that you are very charming, it would be a shame to see your dog washing potential go to waste because they went with a more experienced candidate.......or one who bullshitted.


Sean

Welcome, Amanda! Please Enjoy Some Words of Wisdom About Stuff You Care About

Hello Amanda. This here blag is dedicated to YOU!!! This is a place where you can ask advice questions of me and I will answer them by typing. If you don't have any advice questions, then maybe I'll make some up. I'm sure you could come up with some though because you're quite creative. The questions could be about anything really. You could ask advice questions about me :) or perhaps you would like some tips on bathing dogs. Well, ok, lets begin